A Letter to my Local Church Leaders about Abuse

Dear President ________, Sister __________ & other Church leaders of the ____________ Stake,

First of all, thank you for all you do for the members. I do not envy all of your career, church and family responsibilities. I know you have a lot on your plate and it can’t be easy to juggle everything in your present life.

Thank you for taking the time to read this email. All of its contents have been on my heart and mind for a very long time.

I wanted to address the Joseph Bishop sex scandals and offer some suggestions for improving our local system so that it will be a safer place for the women and children in the _______ Stake. I truly believe that it honors survivors and victims when we take action to make things better. I acknowledge the recent changes concerning abuse. I am deeply grateful for these policy changes to this systemic problem. I know this needs to be seen as the beginning of a process of improvement—not the end.

I am addressing you as my local leaders for two reasons…

1.       Abuse is preventable and I feel like we can do more at a local level to help this situation and I want you to know that myself and many other members are ready and willing to work together to help you in your jurisdiction concerning this effort.

2.       I want to invite you into my struggle as a woman, mother, returned sister missionary and as an active member of the Church and faith which I love dearly.

We as women want to be included in the discussion because abuse and sexual harassment impacts our lives at such a deep and personal level.

The following Sunday after learning about Joseph Bishop’s timeline of abusing women I was coping with feelings of anger and hurt. I was heartbroken (and still am) and I feel deeply betrayed. I felt very isolated because no one was talking about it and I felt like I wasn’t allowed to talk about it at Church on that Sunday. It was as though it never happened and it was just another day at Church.

I wasn’t having these feelings because abuse in Church has never happened before but because in the *first PR Church statement the author clearly was victim blaming and shaming instead of validating McKenna Denson and apologizing to her and the members by saying, “this is what we’re going to do to improve this…”. In the first PR statement it was clear that the Church didn’t find “less actives” or people who go home early from their missions as a credible source. I can’t say I blame Sister Denson for leaving her mission early. I don’t think anyone could stay under those circumstances and she obviously didn’t feel safe at Church anymore so that explains why she stopped going. We can’t dehumanize “less actives.”

*The Church deleted victim shaming and blaming language later on. I am grateful they did that although I wish they would at least acknowledge that flaw and apologize instead of acting like it didn’t happen. 

With this being said, I personally felt like the PR statement came across as caring more about the reputation of the Church then its members who were victims and survivors of abuse within its system. I crave transparency and honesty with my leaders. No, we aren’t perfect but we all have the responsibility to improve the system within the Church when imperfections take place. We can own our mistakes and make improvements. Sadly, when I’ve “complained” about these things I have been shut down or not taken seriously in the past. If it wasn’t for Emma Smith’s complaints, then we wouldn’t have the Word of Wisdom today.

I know our Church is young and the organization is still learning as a whole. Elder Ballard reminds us to, “Remember, the Restoration is not an event, but it continues to unfold.” To me, this means we still have much to learn from our mistakes and God and His people have a lot more to teach us.

In the future, I hope there will be a more loving and concerning tone for the sisters. Something like, “We are devastated to hear of this, we have disciplined the person who did this, and we have hired a third party to provide an internal investigation to determine how this happened, to help us review our systems and processes, and to create concrete safeguards that ensure nothing like this ever happens again. We are so sorry for the harm this woman has experienced, and encourage any other victims to step forward.”

As a lay member I feel in the dark because there are no statements or meetings or announcements over the pulpit about the abuses taking place and what we can do about it. And victims are scared to come forward because they have been shut down in the past. 

Our current system is breeding grounds for sexual predators and it is not a safe place for women and children.  

My hope is that you and your Presidency will prayerfully consider my ideas, suggestions and concerns. Again this is my way of honoring children and women who are victims and survivors within our Church. I am not trying to disrespect you or any of my leaders in any way. Please let me know what your thoughts are and please let me know what I can do to help.

Below are some suggestions for preventive measures.   

1. I would love to help organize a Stake event to educate leaders and members on abuse. We have many therapists in our Stake who would probably be willing to help. I feel we are illiterate when it comes to abuse, maybe because it’s taboo. But it empowers the members to be aware of these issues.  
2. Give each sister in the Stake the contact information of the Area Seventy in case she needs someone outside of her Ward and Stake to talk to about her situation (this is a safety measure for times when the woman’s husband is friends with the Church leader or her husband is related to the Church leader)
3. Give all members an abuse hotline number
4. Train members and leaders on what is appropriate when in an interview (teach members what the handbook says and remind leaders to follow the handbook on interviews and not to probe or shame when members answer questions)
5. Make it mandatory for minors to bring either a family member, peer or Church leader with them into the interviews
6. Leave the door open or give interviews in the nursery room where there are windows
7. Learn what other faiths are doing to improve this issue
8. Form interfaith relations locally to build a safer community  
9. Ask sisters for help and council on how to better improve the system to get their perspectives
10. Include women in Church disciplinary councils
11. Do background checks on leaders who will be working with minors or children
12. Inform Church members of their rights (if there is something inappropriate let members know they can refuse to answer a question in an interview or that have they have the right to end the interview at any time)
13. Allow Relief Society Presidents and their counselors to do the interviews

 I acknowledge that abuse can be an uncomfortable topic to talk about openly. I also know this is a complex issue. My hope is that we will use this crisis as an urgent invitation to evaluate our current system and see where to prevent future abuse because in my eyes one rape victim is far too many within our Church and community. I know many Stakes have already started making changes within their jurisdictions.

Thank you again for all you do. All of your service has not gone unnoticed.

From, Sarah Bridges